It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
