Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I intend to get homeless drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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