hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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