he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
