I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
