He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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