I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
