just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
