I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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