Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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