my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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