return my video game
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
