You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm like, not good at living.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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