James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
