dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
