Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
