Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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