Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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