I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize