OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
