Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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