Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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