Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
