Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
