awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
