Don't you send me to vm
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
