I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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