Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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