He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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