shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
