so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
