And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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