he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
