Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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