Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My pussy is not your playground.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
