I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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