Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize