this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
