I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
