nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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