She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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