dude i'm inner monologue high
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
