She said her name was "party"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
