whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
