DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
