So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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