I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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