Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize