He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
