med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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