I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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