I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
