im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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