When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
