Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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