Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
