I just made out with a guy for $7.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh god it's open bar.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
