Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
