im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize