the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
