"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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