Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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