Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
