Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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