I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
