Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have feelings that need drinking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
