Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
