I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
