Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
