scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
