You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
