Nicole vs. Life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
