You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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