Only a mothe r could love this liver
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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