Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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