I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
