He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
