she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize