i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
