thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
