I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
