I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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