Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
