I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
