is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
