Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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