OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
