Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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