I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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