It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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