Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
