Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
