no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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