literally had 100 drinks last night.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
