I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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