She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize