Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
