I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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