I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
