when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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