How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
