I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
