saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
