Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm both gender and math confused
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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